30 January 2006

cover me

All I ask is that every single Joe gets his 800 word AP news wire write-up and his MSNBC headline when it's his time. That's all I ask. But no, even that's too much. FUCK YOU Joe I hear all over again. Die off screen motherfuckers. And keep your voice down when you do. Take if for the fucking team low wage chump-ass bitches, is what I hear. You don't know the efforts average Joes make to keep these bungling clungling buffoon prima donna motherfucker starlets outta harm's way. But why bother... who wants to know? The silence is nigh unbearable.

Oh no nonononono, you don't understaaaaaaaaand, they're there to cover the war. The people gotta right to know. Spare me the bullshit. I got enough of it on this side of the wire. Right to know? Know what? What is it that you think you know? Mushroom cloud on the horizon on the six o'clock shaky cam. What do you know? What do you know? Mangled to sheer shit car body and gaggle-a-dumbfucks dancing around it. What do you know? What? WHAT? Couple-a-Brads and some Hummers shootin' through an intersection. What's goin' on? WHAT? Major Sheisshnaz sayz we neutralized a dozen terrist motherfucking evildoers, detained fifty more and two Joes got bruised doin' all this splendid shit. What do you know now? What do you know? Colonel Pussyfurlips sayz we restored power and water in some unpronouncable goatdropping sandlot. Which means.... what? WHAT?

Lemme spell this out. You know jackshit. You know nothing. You think you know what's goin' on? WE don't know what-the-fuck is going on. You think these prima donna teevee starlets and their hairdos and all serious-looking mugs know whattheFUCK is going on? Nobody on Satan's burning ORB knows whattheFUCK is going on, and those little slivers of motion and movement and hysteria and madness piped through yur opium tube are just confusing the issue. This is entertainment... GET IT. ENTERTAINMENT. We're your Channel 22 alternative viewing choice between new episodes of Survivor and, heaven forFUCKINGbid, American Idolatry. You wanna know whattheFUCK is going on in the world, unplug yurself from that friggin' opium tube and start asking some questions for a change, instead of swallowing everything these fuckers keep shoving down our throats.

Think Bob Schieffer is gonna take some time outta his broadcast to wish me well when my shit gets fucked up? No. No, I didn't think so.

THANKS Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooob.

Truth be told... I don't even wanna be a fucking prop on your goddamned sham infotainment circus. Not gonna get my shit fucked up over here for your viewing DElight, sorry to report. Shove your lens where the sun don't shine and report on the massive turd of indifference passing through the collective bowels of Amurka. There's your story right there.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're right. Those of us watching teevee while swilling Bud and shouting "Yeehaw" or some other nonsense don't know shit. But we think we do. And you're right about something else. The assholes who put a magnetic yellow ribbon and "support our troops" stickers on their cars don't think or care about what's going on in Iraq. It's all about, "Support our Preznit during wartime!"

30 January, 2006 11:41  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Raw and beaufitul man. We're not all crack heads sucking down boob tube dude. Good smack just the same.

30 January, 2006 11:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read this and was taken back by the sheer volume of swearing and I frankly thought it was just too over the top, but I was reading something else and I couldn't get the swearing out of my head and I realized your little rant really had an impact. What's the opposite of a subliminal? Whatever it is, brother, you fucking got it. Weird.

30 January, 2006 14:16  
Blogger Guts said...

You speak my mind, AST. Soon as that story broke, I knew we were in for the endless onslaught about the dangers of coverin the war. What about fightin in the war? Shit, man, I read that New York Times and they give 50 fuckin inches of prime real estate to a buncha lifer retards jerkin each other off talkin 'bout how they f-d everything up and the infrastructure doo-dah, hem and haw, get out the vote shmote rote de rote, whenwhyhowwhowhateverthefuck but where's the real story? Oh yeah, THERE IT IS -- way down there at the bottom. See it? Yeah, that's it. That little box down there with the names in it. Yeah, that's the grunts cashed it in yesterday. See, it's got their names and their units and where they're from. Ain't that nice? Seriously, what the hell those guys need a story for? They're just dead grunts, right? Not like any of them was gonna take over for Peter Jennings...

30 January, 2006 16:59  
Blogger Elmo said...

Maybe this is the fat lady singing? Naaa...what the fuck was I thinking?

30 January, 2006 19:02  
Blogger Sara said...

I figured you pick up on this. You put words to what I can only express as "GRRR!" and mumbles and hissings. Once again, well done.

30 January, 2006 20:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nations gorged on bullshit cheering on the boys and girls! Brought to us all by self-proclaimed meeja heroes, embedded up to their necks in Hollywood-flavoured ordure but none of 'em good-looking enough to press their hands in the wet cement.

The punters buy the tickets, AST, and stuff themselves with hotdogs and Coke and coke and popcorn. Supply/demand, demand/supply. The punters buy the dream, the image, the undiluted fantastical fantasy where 'flesh wounds' prevail and pain don't hurt. The meeja folk take the money and the glory. Joe is just Canon fodder.

I see that an 'Iraq' fillum has now been released. Box office success is expected, assured, such is the voyeur's appetite for other people's suffering. That should please you all. Make you proud. It sure makes us proud to see it in the newspapers, on the small screen and now... on the BIG SCEEN! Brought to us by HEROES!!!

31 January, 2006 00:40  
Blogger Snag said...

Who cares...just tell me the score. Is it half time yet? Looks like a tie game going into the quarter. I've really got to go get more beer. Can I pause the war on Tivo? Maybe I can watch it tomorrow as I'm kinda busy right now. That reminds me, I need another yellow ribbon magnet (can't be a decal...messes up the paint) to balance out my NE Patriots decals.
Screw it...dull game...same moves back and forth and both coaches are telling me they've got the game in the bag. No hail marys, not enough hard hits...shit man...the Superbowl's gonna be on this Sunday...what do you want from us? We can't be too worried, George Oilwell told us the game's going well, it's depressing to watch, and I've got better things to do.
The coach came out at half time last night for his SOTU. Said our team can win but we've got to use steroids. Ticket prices are going up, they're charging a little extra Liberty, but the fans all cheered 'cause we're gonna WIN! WIN! WIN!
Why watch the minor league when we've got the NFL? You don't even have a Topps card.
And did you see? Oprah's upset because some author was deceptive.

Rah, rah, rah! Yay team!

Someone pass the nacos...

01 February, 2006 05:31  
Blogger Puma said...

"Can I pause the war on Tivo?"

War? What war?

01 February, 2006 17:18  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

heard on the radio today that Bob is going to okay. (I thought you might be worrying about him.)

01 February, 2006 17:46  
Blogger The Statistics said...

One year in Baquaba, Iraq, one of the largest cities in the country and only 40 miles NE of Baghdad, and you know how many journalists I ran into? ZERO. When people bitch about covering the good stories I want them to take a long hard look at this media face that got himself blown up. What an arrogant fuck. He probably thought he was going to get famous shooting some feel good story about the Iraq security forces. Dumb ass. He had his hair combed over just right to get a big chunk of shrapnel lodged in his dome. Made sure they got his good side. Maybe he will have some traumatic brain damage and have to be fed apple sauce while he drools on his ten piece puzzle. Maybe he will figure out what this PTSD thing is all about, maybe he will go back, if he has the nuts, and cover a real fucking story. I hope the bury him right next to George Patton when he dies. What a hero.

the heretic

03 February, 2006 13:39  
Blogger julie anna said...

Though I hope Woodruff and Vogt will be alright, I was surprised (and angry) at how much news coverage they got for getting injured. The news kept America updated constantly and even walked us through a tour of the Lundstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany after they were sent there. My husband was injured and sent there too. I didn't see the media crawling all over the place for him. WTF?

03 February, 2006 15:06  
Blogger julie anna said...


04 February, 2006 07:38  
Blogger Middle Child said...

Not much I can add to al the comments before but to say the whole bloody thing is just bullshit...not what you say... thats how it is...but what we are all being led to believe here in Australia by Howard, in Britian by Blair and in the US by Bush.

09 February, 2006 01:39  
Blogger Elmohammed said...

Chill out fools!! Elmohammed rules. Elmohammed wonders why there ain't no new posts up in this bitch.

09 February, 2006 10:05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a follower of Elmo I am very insulted by your caracature portraying him as some type of islamic holy man. How dare you insult Elmo in such an unsensitive and insulting manner.

09 February, 2006 16:36  
Blogger Diane S. said...

Another fine testament to the power of finely tuned and well crafted use of the word "fuck."

And Elmo's right. When the fuck do we get a new steenking post, man?

11 February, 2006 14:49  
Blogger TheUsualSuspect said...

There is not too much swearing. It is NOT over the top. I'm pretty sure this entry was DESCRIBING something that was over the top, filled past the brim with bullshit. Raw and incendiary, pure white hatred for pieces of shit media leeches. I personally think you did a damn good job voicing your feelings.

09 October, 2006 16:09  

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