12 January 2006

do the right thing

Oh! Oh! Oh! Me! Me! Me!

(I feel like one of those little asshole suckups from way back in the day, stretching and craning and frantically arm-waiving and doing everything but leap on top of the desk to grab teacher's attention... pick me Teach, pick me! Me! Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!)

Check THIS sweet shit out...

The Army's Buying PR

Word comes from RL that the Army has hired PR firm Hass MS&L of Detroit to offer "exclusive editorial content" to blogs willing to run government propaganda.

"The Army believes that military blogs are a valuable medium for reaching out," account executive Charlie Kondek has written to a number of pro-military blogs in a January 6 Email.

"To that end, the Army plans to offer you and selected bloggers exclusive editorial content on a few issues you’re likely to be interested in," Kondek says.

This sweet shit came courtesy of an attentive reader--thanks again Mark!-- wondering if this had percolated down to my end of the sticks, and I just couldn't resist. You know me, ANYTHING to help the war effort... America! FUCK YEAH! Coming again, to save the motherfuckin' day YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

YO! YO! YOOOOOOOOOO! PR DUDES!!!!!!!!! Check this shit out yo! Kickin' ass and takin' names over in the Raqistan. Over in Da Sandbox. Fuck yeah. Kickin' some serious turrist tail yo. Makin' the Raq safe for Mocracy. And pro wrestling! And Jiffy Lube! Defending Muncie, Indiana and Flagstaff, Arizona and Oahu, Hawaii and Kodiak, Alaska from evildoer motherfuckers and Burqa-lovers and unsavory dark-eyed 13th century folk with evil intent and shit-stained fingers. Disrupting turrism and bomb plots and stompin' down hard on all the evildoer mud with every step. Just yesterday I single-handedly built twelve mosques, handed out four-thousand pee-aich-DEEs to said number of Raqi FEEEEEmales, established fifteen new Raqi political parties, eventhough I've never voted once in my life and don't believe in that shit but FUCK IT cause I'm super HARDCORE and mission-oriented and glass-floweth-over CAN DO SIR! to teach the sand people Jeffersonian majority tyranny cause command said MOVE OUT! and what else.... oh yeah, taught a battalion of newly badged Raqi pigs, I mean, cops, how to line up head shots! That's how much boy scout shit I did just yesterday, just me and my left hand (hint hint), in one day! HOOOAH!!!!!!!

Look, PR Dudes.... this is how it is... American Short-Timer is THE obvious choice for all your Insider Poop dispersion. I have like TEN confirmed Left Coast Commie Pinko Naysayer type regular readers, and I ga-RAN-TEE if they start hearing about all our good deeds from the Short-Timer's salivating mouth, word WILL go out in the hash dens and mosh pits and street corners of lefty Murka... We are WINNING the hearts and minds and guts and bowels of the Raqi people, a billion dollars at a time. Twenty thousand dead Joes and ten trillion dollars and fifty years from now this place will be just like downtown Detroit. Free at last, free at last... HOOOAH!!!!!!

So dudes... do the right thing...

PICK ME!!!!!!!!!

PICK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PICK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stodgy prejudiced fucks...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is the first comment Ive put on your blog, but I have been reading it for a couple months now, even read some of the posts from before I first found you. I imagine there are many, many other readers who just havent posted anything, we would probably be surprised at the actual number of readers.

The very first thing I do every day when I get to work is check to see if you've posted anything new. your blog reminds me of a few books Ive read that I never wanted to end. neverending indulgement.

and to those of you that leave comments regularily, as good as the blog is already, it wouldn't be the same without you.

Now that I got my first comment in, (I tend to need to get comfortable to speak my opinion, something I'm workin on hehe) I look forward to puttin my thoughts out there.

But for now, time to get back to work.

Stay safe, we ALL appreciate the soldiers in the sand, even the a$$holes that always find something negative to dwell on.


12 January, 2006 16:37  
Anonymous susiespf said...

hey, short, your sources are quick i just read this tidbit today, myself. you get my vote, i'll even have a bakesale for you, if they can't send some of that govt loot your way. it was mary ellen kehoe in my class, at our lady of victory,jumping around in her seat, and holding her elbow up w/ her other hand, so it would go up just a little higher, so that sister mary borgia would call on her[ and i don't make this up!]

12 January, 2006 18:55  
Blogger Snag said...

Hell, I'm convinced already. If just one troop can get all that done, hell maybe we should be lookin' at a bigger picture. A thousand hard chargin', high speed, gunslingers...tops and we'll spread democracy like the plague!
Shit, the people don't actually even have to have it...just so long as people have faith that it's true...then we're in business. Nothin' cures reality like delusion.
Good stuff as always, man!

12 January, 2006 19:18  
Blogger Sara said...

Left Coast Commie Pinko Naysayer is sooooo going on a t-shirt! I'd where it everywhere. Maybe you oughta trademark that or something.....

12 January, 2006 19:46  
Blogger One Veteran said...

yo your shit is dope AST

If all else fails
blog the Iraq war
cause the bullets ain't workin baby

Hey Maybe if the STUPID FUCKS
who run this country realized that the only way to kill fanaticism is
THE FREE SPREAD OF INFORMATION, the army wouldn't need to feed bloggers "the good stories" from Iraq that aren't really being reported. Yeah, everyone really cares about some Joe giving a tootsie roll to a dirt kid, cause that's why we went to Iraq, to give out candy. Yeah, all those car bombs and dead soldiers and tens of thousands of dead hajis aren't really news.

Yep, blog the war
cause bullets ain't workin baby
this is a war over information now
and we are fighting it brother

12 January, 2006 20:37  
Blogger TBone said...

This is an information war. I think people know inherently that war = death + violence at a basic level. The shit they don't know is the positive side. I'm not talking about handing out candy either. Most 11Bs don't do infrastructure rebuilding projects per se...so other than security missions in support, they don't have their eye on the prize.

We aren't necessarily the people who need to hear about the good shit (infrastructure rebuilding, peace and security, etc)...the Iraqi people need to hear about it, especially if it isn't happening in their neighborhood yet. They need to hear about it because otherwise how will they know they can get it too? If all they hear is negative shit, then they will undoubtedly remain negative. Is the goal to keep everyone negative about this shit?

I used to tell the Iraqis to raise up and kick some ass. Kick the ass out of the insurgents in their neighborhoods because the sooner their enemies (notice I didn't say my enemies because my enemies are inconsequential to the argument) are gone, the sooner I can get the fuck out of Iraq.

Whether we agree with the administration or not...whether we agree with war or not...whether we want vanilla or chocolate doesn't make a difference in the long run. If we don't work towards a positive resolution to this shit, we will stay there longer. On the flip side; if we accentuate the positive things being accomplished in Iraq, we will be able to wrap this shit up sooner. If the insurgents realized that their actions keep us there, I don't know if they would be so zealous. If the regular Iraqis (asskrackies) knew their inaction keeps us there, I'm sure they would be jumping around like monkeys to make shit happen.

12 January, 2006 23:43  
Blogger One Veteran said...

TBone, have you ever heard of the enemy of your enemy being your friend?

My true enemies are fanatics all over the world who wish to further an idea by killing other people.

Some of them wear towels on their head. Some of them are working in my own government.

I will do my best to make them all look as ridiculous as they wanna look.

"Whether we agree with the administration or not...whether we agree with war or not...whether we want vanilla or chocolate doesn't make a difference in the long run. If we don't work towards a positive resolution to this shit, we will stay there longer."

Tbone, god bless your soul, like the lifer you are, you are loyal to the bitter end. The positive resolution is us getting the fuck out of Iraq and impeaching the current leaders of our government. Maybe then we won't be looked at as the shitbags of the world.

And before you say, "who cares what the world thinks," I remind you that what they think is all that matters in the war over information. The Iraqis can see through the bullshit even easier than I can-- after all, they've been getting fucked over by colonial powers and strongmen for the last few centuries or so. What's so great about democrazy anyway, it gave us Bush? Iraqi democracy is not worth my life. I can't ask others to sacrifice if I am unwilling. I can't even abide it happening. It makes me fucking sick to think of these draft dodging sons of bitches wearing army gear and acting like generals. Playing their own little game of Risk with real pieces. Bush is a fucking moron and more people are starting to realize it. Like the 19 year old burnout I was, I didn't vote in 2000. Then I enlisted. Then I voted for Kerry from Iraq. So don't blame me. This guy is literally tearing this country and others apart in his wake of incompetence. It has to end. Impeach Bush. Impeach Cheney. Abuse of executive privilege. Blatant disregard for the constitution they are sworn to protect. Waging an illegal war of aggresion in Iraq. Failing to properly secure the nation against terrorist attack and natural disaster (Where the fuck is Osama, why aren't we pressuring the Pakistanis more to let substantial numbers of US forces in to look for him?), AND THE FACT THAT HE BELIEVES THE JURY'S STILL OUT ON EVOLUTION. Our last president was a scholar (lecherous and slimy, but not an idiot)-- good god what has happened to my America? We are a nation of dumbasses. Our president is the chief chimp. TV lies like a heartless bitch, and can't be trusted. I find my solace in this strange world of clashing consciousnesses. Maybe there's some hope Tbone. I give you that. But before redemption must come an accounting. Impeach. Hit the reset button. Send me back to 1999. Damn that was a good year.
End Rant

13 January, 2006 03:09  
Blogger The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...

Well, I'm from Georgia, and educated in Louisiana, so I hope you're not counting me as one of your ten Left Coast Commie Pinko Naysayers. I ain't never even been OUT to the left coast.

So what d'ya call a deep-south pinko, anyway? (Other than "fegget?")

13 January, 2006 06:24  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'stodgy prejudiced fucks' gets the blue riband on this occasion, IMHO, AST :o)
Great stuff, as ever.

13 January, 2006 13:24  
Blogger Guts said...

Shit, AST, you are truly America's favorite son, shining so brightly from your spot at the back of the class and I was thinking maybe when you're done handing out democracy and building temples of doom, you can come back to the big Five-Ought and take a run at my sister. That bitch doesn't do shit and as far as I know she wouldn't know a mosque from a Woolworth's. I think a few days under your steady hand would be just the thing to get her off the streets and back into beauty school.

Just never let it be said that this NewYorkJewLiberalCommiePinkoAssPirate never did anything nice for the Baby Killers.

13 January, 2006 18:12  
Blogger Puma said...

Guts, you rock :)

15 January, 2006 14:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Make that eleven Left Coast Commie Pinko Naysayers.

15 January, 2006 21:35  
Blogger Diane S. said...

You'd think I'd be over this by now. You'd think I would get it through my fuckin' head that the whole damn thing is a charade, that America does not exist except in grade-school text books, and that we've all just taken the blue pill and accepted the collective delusion.

But man, I cannot believe this shit. That this administration is going to take my tax dollars and spend them paying people to support their stupid fucking agenda with meaningless sound bites and pretty little stories planted in the MSM and now the blogosphere!

It just blows me the fuck away. Wait a goddamn minute, you mindless, tyranical motherfuckers! You roll your dice, you live with your press. Period. End of fucking story. Read the goddamn constitution. "No.. abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press." That includes fucking bribes you morons! W., you cannot buy your fucking legacy. You earn it, for good or ill.

Last year, Columnists Armstrong Williams, Maggie Gallagher and Michael McManus were discovered to have been bankrolled by the U.S. Government to promote Bush administration policies under the guise of independent commentary. Syndicated columnist Doug Bandow was found to be on the payroll of indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

I like to think I'm getting used to the madness, but no! The hits just keep on coming.

My anger rolls and boils and bubbles and spits like the springs of Yellow Stone. I seethe with rage.

17 January, 2006 09:38  
Blogger Diane S. said...

@ The Unapologetic Atheist -

I'm from Texas. I think that makes us Goddamn Southern Redneck Commie Pinko Naysayers.

17 January, 2006 09:39  
Blogger Puma said...

AST, just letting ya know whats up with Unapologetic Atheist:



Seems I was right to take him off my blogroll a few months ago.

By the way, freaking come back and write some more you bastard. Your public awaits, and will have none of your excuses. I don't CARE if the Army says you should go to war. Would you jump off a cliff if all your friends were doing it too? Hrmm? NOPE.

come back.

03 June, 2006 20:48  
Blogger Puma said...

another UA link:


Oh, and this is Sarah. I am now Puma. And don't you forget it.


03 June, 2006 21:01  

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