16 December 2005

happy mocracy!

Wow this is so cool... I feel like wrapping the whole world in a big warm sloppy wet kiss embrace thing. I've actually never done this. Pop off one of these from anything other than the trusted laptop, OPSEC and all being what it is and me religiously adhering to rules and such, that being very much in my nature... yeah right. Let alone do this surreptitious shit from a Haji shop, I mean, Mesopotamian boutique. BUT... opportunity presented itself... so here flies. It's pretty cool to travel a few sloppy militarily classified miles and pop down behind a random computer and pull up my web page... I think it really hit me for the first time how goddamned awesome this technology shit is, manner of speaking-like. And that there are actually real people out there, I mean... OUT there, reading this stuff. Before this y'all were just cardboard cuttout garden variety two dimensional digital characitures dropping emails and adding nice and interesting comments and stuff and it wasn't all really sinking in that much, at a certain level I guess... And now it's all so.... anyhow...

So, I ask this Raqi dude, dude, hey, you have Internet here? Yeah, yeah, what? Huh? In-TER-neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet... yeah yeah, shop closed blah blah blah andsoforth, dude dude, just let me fire off this one thing, take like, two minutes (closer to twenty and counting), went the exchange, and this other Raqi dude--spitting image in a deliciously inbred sorta way if you catch my slant on it-- 's gotta insert hisself into the matter, which happens all over the friggin' place every time you open your yap and attempt to reach out and make that special ambassadorial connection, is a whole mob of them materialize from nowhere and gather round and gape and stare and yaw and giggle and mope about, but it's all good, 'cept if one of 'em secretly is an evildoer sorta motherfucker which I suspect quite a few of them are at any rate... so anyhow long story short, right, I let that magic good old green shit do the talking for me and voila... dispatch.

So the way this started was, what I wanted to say was... happy fucking mocracy. To all my Raqi buds and gal friends in those sexy black wraps... happy goddamned mocracy. For real. You deserve it. Apparently it took us and our munitions-laden ways to shove the shit down your throat, but now it's yours I say... have at it. Mocracy. Tyranny of the majority. Einstein in a lab with ten retards voting on whether to make relativity theory the law of the land. Or not. Cause it ain't a perfect system, they admit, but it beats the pants offa all the other shit we tried. S'pposedly. Is how they sell it.

If your mocracy turns out anything like our mocracy, you have a bright future ahead. Indeed. You have at least two civil wars coming down the pike, couple-a-world wars, an industrial revolution, emancipation, a sexual revolution, and with a little bit of luck and the right mix of moxy and good will, your mocracy will bring you abundance, prosperity, and a fullness of yourself that somehow produces the compulsion to inflict your mocracy on the rest of the under-developed world. And more power to you.

Seriously Raqis... happy mocracy.

Can we all go home now?

How 'bout show of hands...

Right. Din't think so.

Mocracy. What a crock.


Blogger Diane S. said...

Bloody fuckin' fabulous, Shortster.

FWIW: I raised my hand. You can come home now.

16 December, 2005 07:37  
Blogger The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...

Looks like America's dropped her load
She was ready to explode
I could not see her from up here
Cuz she was lyin' in the road.

-'Merica, by +Live+

16 December, 2005 08:06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mocracy, AST, you can shove it! I'm voting for a Fuckwitocracy. It's the only system that can survive the predations of people. Nearly hometime!

16 December, 2005 08:59  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey man, don't go around knocking democracy! Lol. Good shit. Stay safe, you should be through any day now. You've got my vote.

16 December, 2005 09:44  
Blogger BaltimoreLenore said...

Here's hoping you come home soon!

16 December, 2005 10:36  
Blogger One Veteran said...


Troops begin coming home.

I wish.

Sadly, not till the oil starts flowing in mass.

Great post, as usual.

16 December, 2005 11:04  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the ashes of a fucktarded plan dreamt up by a fuckwited mis-minstration we get IraqMocracy!!

Let the eagle shit, from shore to shining shore!

16 December, 2005 12:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

careful of those public computers dude, you never know what kind of key-stroke loggers and other password / identity stealing spyware crap they have on there.

16 December, 2005 13:48  
Blogger Puma said...

Funny thing, oil.

16 December, 2005 15:47  
Blogger Sara said...

So you're packing up and headin' outta there tomorrow, right? No? Hmmmmm.... Keep it up, man, keep it up.

16 December, 2005 16:34  
Anonymous rose said...

I hope mocracy works out for Iraq. Would have liked them to have made the call themselves. Mocracy is getting a little inchy here, what with spying and wiretaps and all. Congress is passing a bill right now (2:30am) ordering all the cities and towns in the US to give meeting space gratis to groups who violate their anti discrimination laws. Bush has decided to destroy America to save American lives. He told us tonight that you all are winning this war with woozitz and you're just happy as hell doing it. He reminded us that it was all Saddams fault for not giving up those WMDs.
Sillyness aside. We think of you every day and want you home safe. Sooner the better.

18 December, 2005 23:34  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We gave the gift of democracy to Japan and Germany but they were fairly advanced cultures. How can you bring a lasting democracy to people who stone adutlterers and blindly follow mullahs? It's not gonna work. As soon as you leave, they're gonna have a civil war. They're just waiting for it. Get the fuck out of there!

19 December, 2005 00:43  
Blogger Snag said...

We're all here because we're not "all there."
Another great piece.
A favorite piece of street comment I once saw spray painted in an alley in Lawrence, KS "If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal."

19 December, 2005 07:39  
Blogger The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...

Yeah we Lawrencians are naturally snarky like that.

Never seen that one, though. I'll have to look around. If it's not still up, I'll spray it on the shed in the alley behind my new house soon.

19 December, 2005 09:59  
Blogger Puma said...

Or just hack the vote. That works too.

21 December, 2005 07:19  

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