16 January 2006

this is what happens to unacceptable tripe

This grossly offensive profanity-laden diatribe has been removed and shredded and then burned and then chemically incinerated and then shipped to a nuclear waste processing facility for once and forever disposal and banishment from humanity.





Anonymous Mark said...

Holy shit dude, if this isn't the national anthem against military service I don't know what is. I'd put this to music if I could bang on a guitar. Rocking man. Thanks for putting up with all the bullshit. Make it back. You earned it.

16 January, 2006 12:18  
Blogger Puma said...

This blog should be required reading for all high school students.

16 January, 2006 13:28  
Blogger Sara said...

Fuck.Yeah. That was beautiful, man.

16 January, 2006 13:47  
Blogger Guts said...

Maybe we can send over some sort of American Insurgent envoy to the 'Raq, give the newly-freed a crash course on the true value of Uncle Sammy's word. I could get some of my drug-addict, diabetic, AIDS and syph-ridden bros from the Pine Ridge Rez to tell it like it is when it comes to the USMAC keeping its promises, since you know my bros have that rich oral tradition and all making sure never to leave out any of the good parts. Could make it a sort of international pan-insurgent be-in with all the A-rabs and Injuns comparing notes and showing each other their bullet wounds...

16 January, 2006 14:34  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, that is is some rightous shit! Trigga Nigga, now there is the comeback for that "You signed a contract" shit.

Powerfull dude, powerfull.

16 January, 2006 20:17  
Blogger TBone said...

That rough toilet paper can sure chafe the ass, huh?

I finished high-school with mediocre grades...definitely wasn't heading to Harvard; then moved out of the house when I was 17, and joined the USMC one month after I turned 18. I was pretty fortunate to have a recruiter who gave me the real info on the military. I even got an enlistment bonus of $5000. When I told my former-Jarhead Dad that I joined, he laughed and shook his head, "You don't want anyone to tell you what to do...and you went and joined the Marine Corps? What the fuck were you thinking?"

Well, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. If I wouldn't have joined, I would have been still working at the truck-stop or selling weed or working in the landscaping business and enjoying drinking for lunch on a barely-more-than-minimum-wage salary. Fuck that.

Instead, I got some badly needed discipline, and proceeded to party like a rock star with all my 18-21 years old buddies. My first duty station was in Southern California...and I thought I hit Mecca (this was back in the days when Mecca was a concept, not a place on the map) because of all the fun. My first enlistment was pretty fun. No stop loss back in the day.

So, you new guys are kinda fucked because we are all so busy now. Not enough dudes in the Military. If we had the same size Army as back when Reagan was king, everyone would be home taking a break. The military was fat back then. We actually had toilet paper in the barracks then too. Joe didn't start having to buy his own shit until Slick Willie really cut us back. I'm sorry for all you new cats. Can't have peace and love and cut-the-military folks running the government then still expect to have enough dudes to fight. AST, you are paying the price for that mentality now.

As for contracts...there was always an IRR obligation on the contract; even when Christ was a Lance Corporal. As part of the IRR obligation, it says some shit like "if war happens then yer fucked...sorry about the fuckin, but not really." You know what USMC stands for? U Signed the Motherfuckin' Contract.

Suck it up, Joe ;)

16 January, 2006 23:44  
Blogger Diane S. said...

You mean to tell me that this government is sending you guys the primo, top-o-the-fuckin-line ass wipe toilet paper, but you have to pay for your own armor?

'Cause that like makes sense, man. Real sense. Sure, you're getting your ass shot at, and sure, you've got no protective gear what-so-fuckin-ever, but let's protect that anus. Give it some Vitamin E coated silk, cause -after all - that shit's important.

You know, I wonder what the fuck Uncle would have to say if come April 15th, I wrote him a letter telling him I wasn't paying my taxes this year because funds were low and I had implemented a STOP LOSS program?

@ TBone, man you and I will never, ever, agree politically, but U Signed the Motherfuckin' Contract was a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

17 January, 2006 08:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, I believe the toilet paper was the Constitution and AST was suggesting our branches of government are wiping their asses with it. I completely share this assessment by the way. I was also wondering whether writing a piece on involuntary servitude on Martin Luther King day is a coincedence? Suddenly this mad vivid writing seems to have more purpose than I suspected of it. Hmmm. I might have to go back over the other articles and see what I missed there. Also, Tbone, I did read your blog and after reading your comments here and I noticed your comments here are much more illuminating than your own blog. What I'm suggesting is, no matter how badly you dog AST, he seems to bring out a better part of you. Maybe you owe him for that. Good comments at any rate. My two cents.

17 January, 2006 12:47  
Blogger julie anna said...

It may seem contradictive that I have you on my blog roll Short-timer, considering my husband is in the military. For the most part, we like this life as do many other soldiers and thier families. I just had to add you to my list because you do have valid points- and such a LOVELY way of expressing them. I know other joes that feel the same way you do- you are thier voice. I have the utmost respect for you for ever signing the dotted line- no matter how you feel about it now. You have more than served your time and I hope you get to come home soon.

17 January, 2006 16:57  
Blogger TBone said...

Comment on armor:

Diane S. said - "Sure, you're getting your ass shot at, and sure, you've got no protective gear what-so-fuckin-ever, but let's protect that anus."

We have protective gear. Some National Guard and Reserve units may have had older body armor in the beginning, but all the line units had hard-plate body-armor. Most started getting MICH helmets fielded right away too. (MICH is an awesome piece of gear too. That old kevlar - called "the dome of obedience" - sucked to wear...you can sleep in the MICH because it's so comfortable.) The requirement for everyone to have everything was never an issue because "support pogues" historically never had the need for some of the gear that line guys get. It's always been that way.

That's why I think this whole armor thing is more of a political ploy than anything else. Sure, it's nice to have some body armor; but when you start adding pieces and parts, plus all your basic ammo load, plus water, plus the kitchen sink...it feels like you're a pack mule. Can't move very well on foot, and damn sure can't maneuver up in a turret. I prefer to wear just a plate-hanger and level-III underneath because it is easier to move in. Not everyone has the choice to wear less, but I'm sure lots of guys would if they could.

Same applies to vehicle armor. When you "up-armor" Humvee's, they tend to get too heavy, especially when you have to haul shit inside. You can't shoot from a vehicle that's all buttoned up either. This game is mostly about who has the most firepower. The IED trigger man or sniper thinks twice when he realizes the guys in the vehicle are ready to quickly unleash a can o' whoop-ass on them. Nothing like .50 cals, 240's, and Mk 19's to ruin an insurgents day. This kind of warfare we are into now is helping us to develop new and unprecedented tactics. If anyone would have really known that we had different requirements, I'm sure the dudes in the units would have been screaming louder. Most of the vehicles in our inventory were not designed or designated to be armored combat vehicles; they were merely designed to transport people around. Also, whether you have an armored vehicle or not, when the monkeys rig a half-dozen artillery shells together (or several land-mines, etc.) it doesn't matter if your Humvee is armored or not...yer ass is getting blown up. Hell, even tanks (vehicles designed with the heaviest armor) get damaged, right OV V?

Another small detail ya'll seem to overlook is that the government contracting system is complicated because we have to hire engineers to come up with specifications for the gear we want. Then we have to shop around for manufacturers. Then they have to take bids. Then the company has to build a factory (complete with new equipment designed and built to make the specific designs we ask for) and start production. There is a testing phase, to ensure the equipment does what it says it will, etc., etc., etc. All this takes lots of time. Nothing we can do but wait, AFTER a requirement is identified. Just because the good-idea-fairy comes up with a requirement, the product doesn't just, poof, materialize. To suggest that somehow the DoD is negligent or apathetic is ridiculous considering the folks that are on the sharp end are the ones who identify the deficiencies...we are the ones who know what we need, and we are the ones who ask for it. I am definitely not going to short myself of a piece of necessary gear. When the deficiency is identified, the Army can't just say, "Sorry Mr. Badguy, but we don't have X or Y so please take an operational pause while we get our shit updated." We have to keep doing the job.

For civilians to complain about it is nice and all because we know you care about us; but instead of complaining, how about voting for someone who will vote for a more robust Defense Budget. You can't have your cake and eat it too. To talk-out about the war on one hand is fine...I respect your desire for peace more than you realize...but to bitch about a lack of military gear on the other hand just seems disingenuous.

18 January, 2006 00:24  
Blogger charlie said...

Hey AST, I'm tempted to say you deserve your fate simply because of the damage you and your fellow soldiers are causing to the English language, the mother tongue, the raw material of Shakespeare and Dickens, the gen-yoo-wine literary shit of all those fucking early fucking writer fucking dudes. But the result is funny, there's no mistake about that. Funny and shrewd and provoking and yo, all that fucking shit bro, as we might say in Sauchiehall Street, Glasgow, on a quiet Sunday 2am morning (although, more accurately, we'd be likely to say: och awae tae fuck, yah wee shite, yer asking fer a glassin'). Keep mangling, AST. Just don't get mangled, OK? :o)

18 January, 2006 01:04  
Blogger Diane S. said...

(apologies to AST for taking over your blog)

To Anonymous,

Of course, you're right. I'm rather red faced at missing the metaphor.

To TBone :

Thank you for your respectful reply to my post. As we are often on the opposite ends of the political spectrum, I truly appreciate the kindness and tenor of your response.

The whole weight, awkwardness issue of armor is something I am simply completely unqualified to comment upon, so I'll take your word on that as gospel. As to the body armor issue being a ploy, that also is something I'm really not qualified to assess. I had merely read that many of the troops were purchasing armour out of their own wages and were not being reimbursed by the government they serve. To whatever extent that is true, I consider it a disgrace; a complete failure of our national obligation to the military. Also, obviously the logic of the "poof" factor in new gear is impeccable.

I think though that perhaps in some ways you misunderstand my position. There's no denying that I oppose this war. However, as the war is a reality, and we do have forces on the ground (and in the air, etc.). As long as these things are true, I do support the military budget necessary to both pay the troops a livable wage (one that will keep their kids of foodstamps while they serve - a thing I consider a national disgrace), and to provide them with all the equipment necessary to protect themselves while they serve.

So when you go to my blog, and see the counter clicking away the amount of money we've spent on the War in Iraq, it's not there to say, "Hey! Let's cut the budget on this war and fuck over our soldiers!" It's there to say, "Look how much money we are throwing down the rat hole of this cluster-fuck of a war!!!"

Also, I hope you know that I have nothing but serious respect for every man and woman in uniform in the United States Military. I believe that most of them enlisted because they believed in God, and Country, and Honor, and also because some of them cared enough to protect my pansy ass home in the States. (And AST, I do understand your position on Honor and Glory and all that shit being an illusion, but that doesn't diminish the sentiment which went behind your signing on the dotted line.) So while I rage against the war, I have nothing but love for the boots on the ground.

My goal is to bring all these men and women home soon and alive.

And finally to TBone, I read and enjoy your blog, even though we see the world through a whole different window. Like my conservative father, I consider you to be among the sensible opposition. And I would never dis anyone who can so beautifully use the phrase "open up a can of whoop ass." (Speaks to my Texas heart, it does.)

AST, you may now have your blog back! Sorry!

18 January, 2006 16:20  
Anonymous yvonne said...

AST, man, yeah it totally sucks that you went in thinking one thing, then got your ass stuck in a way, stop-lossed, and all that shit. That sucks for you. But you other idiots posting here, get some knowledge and education.

First, this military belongs to "you the people" and if you think there should be changes made to the government or military, then take you ass to the polls and vote some changes into the government. But you all had better do some research first because if you just go vote for some idiot someone else tells you to vote for then you're doing none of us any good at all.

Additionally, a whole heap of you (like miss Sarah here) seem to think that the military is a bad, evil place. If you think about how the US govenment is set up and all the branches and all, you'll see that the military isn't just some whacked out branch of the gov't out doing its own thing. Nope. The military does what it does at the direction of its' bosses. So your misplaced hatred or disgust or whatever you want to call it of the military is ridiculous and uneducated.

"This blog should be required reading for all high school students." You're an idiot, Sarah. Where the hell was your support when two planes crashed into the World Trade Center? I'll bet you were right there with your pretty yellow ribbon, weren't you? Well, get over yourself and find a cause that has meaning based in truth (maybe you could lobby for good improvements in inner-city schools) because it's people like you, who look for a cause because you have nothing better in life, who really fuck up all the soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines who are deployed all over the world. Yes, people like you. Because, you encourage this country's divisiveness and non-support. Pathetic.

Get a life.

18 January, 2006 23:43  
Blogger TBone said...

diane s.,

Thank you, as well, for your reasoned reply. I realize much of what you hear is tainted with some bias. There are reasons and mitigating factors for everything. (Sarah calls me an "apologist"; I consider myself a realist who calls 'em like I see 'em.) Yes, there are some who purchased their own body armor. Many of those folks were the same Reservists and National Guardsmen I was talking about. The reasons they didn't have armor depends on the Reserve unit or the State Guard bureau. "One weekend a month and two weeks in the summer..." unless there is a war that your unit commanding General didn't count on, and then you ain't got no armor because your unit didn't want to spend the money on armor...instead they bought an oil-sand-separator for their motor pool in order to stay in compliance with State and Federal environmental regulations, or they bought.....

BTW, if you purchased armor with your own cash, the govt. is reimbursing you. Get it while it's hot!!

God Bless Texas!! (unless of course you are an athiest) I love Austin! 6th Street rocks.


19 January, 2006 00:18  
Blogger Puma said...

yvonne, if you are going to sling around insults like "clueless" and "idiot," you ought to at least take the time to read what I think about the subject. Your comments say much more about your ignorance than they do about mine.

19 January, 2006 05:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BYOArmor: but no death benefit?


19 January, 2006 08:32  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Army Orders Soldiers to Shed Dragon Skin or Lose SGLI Death Benefits

19 January, 2006 08:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


So what you are saying is AST's blog being read to high school students would be unpatriotic? So AST is unpatriotic? This blog shouldn't be read by high school students? And why is that? What's in this blog that nobody better know about? It seems you've read one post. Have you read the rest of the blog? I recommend this blog in particular every time someone around me says something about joining the military. In case they think the army is a James Stewart/Mayberry type of place.

19 January, 2006 10:47  
Blogger Diane S. said...


Uhm, "Miss Sarah" is a friend of mine, and I find the vitriol of your personal attack on her to be completely unjustified. There is usually a civilized discussion going on here. I'm frankly stunned.

19 January, 2006 12:06  
Blogger Sara said...

Wow, how did Sarah manage to incur the wrath of that ridiculous tirade? She had the most innocent comment on here!

Yvonne, blow it out your ass. Oh wait, ya just did.

Now how 'bout enlisting? Lord knows, *I* don't wanna get called back. Go bring 'mocracy to the ig'nit masses in Iraqistan! Just don't read the fine print......

19 January, 2006 22:31  
Blogger Puma said...

Diane and Sara, thanks, I appreciate your support.

I have to say though, that it's quite par for the course really. Lots of people get even ruder than that, and anyway it's obvious that "yvonne" is someone who is carrying a grudge of some sort, and probably made up that name in order to (as they always do) post anonymously.

And yes, Sara has a good idea "yvonne." If you feel so strongly, how about you go enlist? Take AST's place. Please.

20 January, 2006 19:08  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck not-so-Short Timer. I hope you get out alive mate.

25 January, 2006 14:25  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've read several of your posts. Stunningly excellent writing, grabs your attention and teaches you a hell of a lot all at the same time. Good luck, and get the hell home alive-we could use a few more like you. And in the meantime, keep up the great work.

26 January, 2006 00:10  
Anonymous Matt said...

That was some brilliant shit, AST.

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