01 December 2005

army zen

Check out Snag over at DEprogramming Starter Kit. He's crafted an excellent piece. The real stuff. Definitely worth a read. Army veteran with eleven years under his belt. Salute brother!

I was 18 when they put an M16 in my hands and I thought "Oh shit! They're not joking! They really want me to kill someone! Holy fuck, I'm just outta high school!" I wasn't naive, I knew it was coming. It was just kinda fucked when it happened. It took 11 years, but I realized I'm too young to die for these old men. Tell you what, when they've got a good plan, got the good intel (you know...the real stuff they keep hidden for political reasons), gimme my rifle back and I'll go whack the fuckers and be home for dinner.


Forget about the thousand yard stare bullshit and all that other battle glammer blather baloney. At some point in an enlistment, virtually everybody experiences it. Their oh shit moment. It could be in the middle of the brightest brightass bright afternoon, sun chewing up everything and some, and you on your feet and awake by all conventional definitions of the word, and on patrol in the textbook shithole. It could be under fire, or you racked out and a thousand miles away from it all and the scariest thing around is Top with too much time on his hands and details galore. It could be in line at the chow hall, or hanging around at Finance cause your pay got fucked up again and now you've gotta walk the shit through yourself to get it set straight. You could be on your forty-fourth push-up or your seventh bottle or third tour or second ejaculation... and it'll hit you.

Oh shit. You are seriously and truly fucked, and there's nothing funny about any of it and all the decisions that dragged you here to this moment in time are sublime retardation, courtesy of the child you still were mere moments before, but you just grew up, now, here, in the moment, and suddenly none of it makes sense and there's not much you can do about it and mind changing isn't much appreciated or understood and how do you share something like that anyhow in the middle of a patrol, or a PT test, or a sex romp. So you tuck the head in and stay low and duck and weave and run, keep moving, biding your time. And you shoulda never in a million years joined. Ever. But here you are. In the middle of the shit. For real. Now try getting it all unfucked. Good luck. Yeah. Oh shit.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The seminal moment, eh, AST?
Great writing, as per usual. Bang on the truth, as per... etc

01 December, 2005 10:32  
Blogger Sara said...

DAMN dude. This may be my favorite post of yours... up their with the one about the day you left for the army. You really know how to break down the indescribable.

01 December, 2005 13:25  
Blogger Puma said...

Excellent writing, I am adding you to my blogroll.

01 December, 2005 16:14  
Blogger Snag said...

Thanks for the attention. I felt I sould ajust this sentiment a bit though,It took 11 years, but I realized I'm too young to die for these old men. It wasn't so much a realization as much as I finally decided that the "ideals" were bullshit. I'd love to fight for ideals, but alas that's just the smoke and mirrors they use to keep potential candidates interested in their little game. It'd be great to find a nice little Good vs. Evil thing to jump into, it just really doesn't happen that often.

03 December, 2005 07:45  
Blogger Diane S. said...

With tongue firmly in cheek, I feel utterly compelled to add:

"He isssssss an Englishman!
For he himself has said it.
And it's greatly to his credit.
That he is an Englishman.
Aye, he issssss an Englishman.

For in spite of all temptation
To belong to other nations.
He is an Englishman!
Aye! He issssssss an Englishman!"

-Gilbert & Sulivan
HMS Pinafore

(The West Wing - Lionell Tribby... "The one about duty." Every other character..."They're ALL about Duty.")

My friend's parrot: "Crock a' shit! Crock a' shit!"

06 December, 2005 13:29  

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