21 November 2005

short-timer no more

Nuff said.


Blogger The Un-Apologetic Atheist said...

God damn, you had me gasping for breath, I was laughing so hard. Nobody writes like this.

You know, Short, strange as it sounds I think the Iraqi people might like us more if more of them read your blog (and the only examples of Americans they were exposed to didn't sound like your LT and his Tom-Clancy-wannabe chain of command).

21 November, 2005 08:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kill 'em but don't insult 'em! Shoot 'em but don't burn 'em with white phosphorous! Lock 'em up without trial but don't abuse 'em on camera!
You know the rules, AST, so stop fucking the LT about. :o))))
But don't stop lampooning the bastards in this blog.

21 November, 2005 09:33  
Blogger Sara said...

Yay! You updated! I was gettin all twitchy and worryin and shit. But why would I worry when you've got someone so rock steady boneheaded as your LT? That guy will always come through for the stubbornly absurd Army Mandate of the Week.

Since I actually was an Iraqi for six weeks - at an EPW training lane as an EPW - I feel I can weigh in on the subject. You LT is absolutely right. When every female soldier in the brigade came through they'd scream at me and throw me in the mud, stick a knee in back, put all their weight directly into my diaphram, pull my legs and arms into a pretzel behind my head.... I didn't mind any of that! Not at all! It was when they called me names that I got all teary eyed and upset. ;-)

take care man!

21 November, 2005 10:23  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny as hell. Calling them "gooks." Oh man. I sent this to all my friends.

Don't get asploded by an IED. Keep writing.

21 November, 2005 11:53  
Blogger Diane S. said...

See, Sara worries too!

Glad to have you back and raging at the Machine.

21 November, 2005 12:34  
Blogger Snag said...

"Non-Compliant Forces", now there's one I think I could get my head around. It has a genesequa. "I'm terribly sorry, but could you be a little more compliant, please?" It feels very British. Reduce it to NCF's or November-Charlie-Foxtrot. And the "friendly" forces could just be Charlie-Foxtrots. Hell, anything that is "our" side could be a Charlie-Foxtrot. Yes! That's it! One big Charlie-Foxtrot for our side!

Side note to Unapologetic Atheist...is Bob Cutler still hanging out at the Replay?

22 November, 2005 07:23  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow short-timer, that is pretty riduculous, especially considering, as you said, the word is actually a compliment to them.

I suppose you could call them something really silly, like, meanies or gremlins or pixies or something. "Suspicious activity from that group of meanies up ahead.." "Get some you darn meanie!" (You would'nt want to use the f-word. That is a bad word after all.)

The first alternative name I thought of was actually 'pork-chops' but that would not go over too well either I suppose. "2 pork-chops approaching..." Hah.

22 November, 2005 09:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good morning again AST,
I was sent an email yesterday, part of whihc I reproduce below. I am not an historian and know less than zilch about the USA hierarchies. Do you know the things below to be true? Or not?

I am asking the same of Snag and Diane S


"I believe that historians, having miserably failed to get near the truth of WW1, have thereby miserably failed those whose names appear on every war memorial in this country. I believe those young men and boys, and the millions of others who died throughout Europe, died needlessly. (I saw many of the wrecked lives at Erskine with my own eyes.) They died as the direct result of the greed of a handful of mega-rich people in Britain and America - people who deliberately brought about the situation where a war was inevitable, in order to make evermore mind-boggling profits.

The shooting of the Archduke etc as a reason is all so much bullshit. Among those who helped cause the war, and who profited hugely from it, include Prescot Bush, the paternal grandfather of George W Bush and Herbert Walker, his maternal great-grandfather and grandfather of President George H W Bush. (Are you aware that this clique also financed the rise of Hitler and the Third Reich, thus engineering WW2 also? Example; Standard Oil in America was supplying fuel to keep the Nazi war machine on the road – and the seas - when my old man was out their fighting them.) Almost 100 years after WW1 and the bastards are still at it in the Middle East!"

24 November, 2005 01:52  
Blogger Snag said...

I thought, just so more folks could get in on the joke, to translate what Charlie Foxtrot normally refers to. It usually means a "Cluster Fuck."
I sometimes forget that not everyone has been graced with the wonderful world of American military culture.

24 November, 2005 04:03  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny shit dude. I busted a gut laughing.

25 November, 2005 21:18  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If they don't want you to insult them then the proper response must be to compliment them. If they can't be haji or gooks or commies then they must be menschs, saints or princes. Either that or start talking like a pirate (avast ye mesopotamians, lubbers, scalawags or scurvy dogs) .. thats all I've got.

28 November, 2005 13:53  
Blogger TBone said...

Don't kill the messenger/LT. The politically-correct, draconian directive to stop calling them "Haji" is a product of too many sensitivity training sessions mandated by Bill Clinton and his gay band of leftist buddies.

We started to call them "G's", which is short for Haji (pronounced haw-gee). Say shit like, "What up 'G'?" and "Yo, check out G-moneygrip over there."

Good post.

30 November, 2005 06:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, at least us straight leftists and Hitlery are off the hook this time!

30 November, 2005 09:11  
Blogger Snag said...

I can't quite figure tbone65 out. Noticed in the profile favorite music to include Black Flag and the Vandals (left leaning, anti-government), the books 1984, Brave New World, and some pretty anti-establishment movies Clockwork Orange, Repo Man. But the blog reads like something from Rumsfeld's desk.
Brilliant parody maybe? Or conflicted soul?

01 December, 2005 04:19  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote conflicted soul or convenient rebel. Conflicted soul: This shit is soooo hard core, but unfortunatly its produced by commies or Convenient rebel: The goverment is corrupt and suspect, question authority!!, but only when the other party is in power.

I would give a 2% chance also to psuedo-libertarian. Although I think any libertarian enchanted with the current government would have already realized they don't want a small government with no nanny-state. They just want to shift the resources of the government to a set of goals most conducive to certain sectors raking in the cash.

01 December, 2005 08:37  
Blogger TBone said...

Perhaps I have a conflicted soul. I used to listen to (and still do) music with energy and passion, not because I believed I had to live by the lyrics. I associated with all sorts of people - the best-man at my wedding was a skinhead, dressed in braces and boots. I didn't feel the need to align myself to any sort of stereotype, so I didn't worship at the church of Jello Biafra, but I lived my life and tried to have fun. I try to let others live their lives without fucking with them. I guess I am a libertarian/America-First nationalist if you want to categorize me politically. Smoke dope if you want to and don't tax me to death; limit government and stop wasting our money on any program that sounds good.

I understand where AST is coming from - I used to say "fuck the Marine Corps" when I was a junior troop. I stood up to the nitwittery and tomfoolery I witnessed, but most of the time I realized I wasted too much effort trying to change some people who didn't want to change. Instead, I found people with similar views and just went "with the flow". Things became easier to handle once I learned how to navigate the system, and at some point I was in a position to affect change within my sphere of influence while never kissing ass in the process. That is the nature of growing up.

I volunteered to serve a military that answers to the will of the elected government. Sometimes I don't like the policies, but it is my chosen career, so occasionally I have to bite my tongue. I like my job, and I like most of the people I work with. I've been lucky to be in decent units. The pay isn't great, but the paycheck feeds my family - that is the idea of a job right? It is the same with most civilian jobs too. Can't escape reality no matter how hard you try. Fuck around on the job and you'll get fired. Fuck around in my job and people get killed.

I believe in this war for my own personal reasons...just happens that my beliefs back the current administration's strategy. Hell, even 50-Cent says George W. is a gangsta he'd vote for if he wasn't a felon. Why? Because "W" isn't afraid to kick some ass. We can argue the tactics, but the strategy to neutralize threats to our nation is valid. We can't stop terrorists from hurting us through dialogue any more than we can talk to a drunk belligerent bastard trying to smack us in a bar. The same choice is available in either situation - either fight back, or run like a pussy. Is there another option? I would like to "make love, not war" but that shit isn't realistic. Wars have been going on since Cain killed Abel...do you think we can stop them just because the thought makes us feel uneasy? No, the only way to win this one is by utlizing a combination of means - one of them is force.

Even though this task can suck, there is no need to whine and bitch incessantly about everything. Not everything is as bad as AST tries to make it in his posts. I do understand though that if he talked about some of the easy or good shit he experienced in the Army, it would ruin the finely crafted image he's tried so hard to build for himself - a steadfast rebel. We all need solid principles, but not everything is so black and white. You can't fit this squishy life into such a well defined box on every issue. I do however enjoy his writing style, and I am amused by his bullshit. I wouldn't bust his ass if he worked for me because I think I understand him...I used to be him. I bet he is perceived as a good soldier by some - one that gets the job done. Those people can't laugh all the time at his shit because it isn't appropriate at the time, but inside they are probably cracking up and supporting the spirit of his game. I hope one day he sees his way clear to use the energy he's got to send some positive vibes our way.

AST, you're good dude. I keep coming back to check you out.

06 December, 2005 07:47  
Blogger american short-timer said...

I posted a reply here and it's up in smoke. Shee-at.

Hey T,

First of all, thx for reading the stuff. I think you're a master comedian man. For real. I read your reply and was thinking... did he just insult me? That was so nice. That was the nicest I've ever been insulted. Cool.

It's no effort standing up to the bullshit. It's a pleasure. For real. B'sides... killing and shit aside... I don't take any of this shit seriously. None of it. Place is a goddamned circus. With sadists passing for clowns. A Greek tragedy with Mesopotamians.

Just biding my time.

Let's all keep safe and bring it home. And thx for reading the stuff!

07 December, 2005 13:02  

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